she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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