I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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