This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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