I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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