i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
