We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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