You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
