The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
