my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
