they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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