i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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