you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
