i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
