I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
