i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Randomize
