Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
