i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
