the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
