So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
