break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
