Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
