Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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