Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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