Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
