my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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