nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
