i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He did a backflip because drugs
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
