Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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