not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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