The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
