arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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