Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
