He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
