I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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