roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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