i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
