Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
