i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
