He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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