I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
