Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's the barista slut.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
