you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
