I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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