whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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