We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
