Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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