saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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