just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
