Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
