That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
