whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
