My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
