Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Mom said you looked used
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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