do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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