I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
