I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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