I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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